I AM YOUR NEW GOD
by demon lord Nazara
Summary: A man ascends to godhood after a lot of unimportant shenanigans rated M for my bad language and inevitable genocide azd zow crimes upoz grammar
1. beginning of the ending

**This is the shitty story of a man who ascended to godhood after a poorly thought out science experiment resulting in him having horns, wings, claws, and most importantly magic. How he ended up in heaven or killed his predecessor is unimportant. What is important is what he did while adapting to godhood**

* * *

"where am I? who am I?" He thought while looking around the room.

His gaze stopped on the body of an old man in a puddle of a gold liquid at the base of a throne. The room was filled with a bright light but the throne seemed to radiate malice and darkness that or "extreme laziness" he thought.

He began to sit in the throne as memories started to come rushing back. All except one. His name.

"I think I will call myself Nazara as this is as good time as any to take on a new name." He muttered as he thought to himself.

"Hmm what to do with this body. I don't like this throne" Nazara said has he began to have dark thoughts again "why not make a new throne out of his bones."


	2. AUTHOR DECIDED HE NEEDED TO SPEAK TO ME

**And now we're skipping the scene of this psycho making a new throne. I wish I could say that this is the first time he's done this but no it had to be the third fucking time. There are many things I know about what he's done but I never know why he does it.**

"I do it because I can" Nazara stated completely ignoring the fourth wall "also if anyone is wondering why there haven't been any angels bothering me it's because they're all motherfucking dead"

**I'm not sure if Nat- I mean Nazara even knows or cares what the fourth wall is. As for the angels I don't think they're all dead. Just most of them.**

"HEY shouldn't we be moving with this story" Nazara yelled at me.

**I don't know shouldn't you be committing crimes against grammar.**

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT"

**Because I said so.**

"THAT'S NOT A FUCKING REASON. THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT."

**Maybe it is maybe it's not. MAYBE YOU CAN GO TO HELL.**

**_NAZARA IS NOW IN HELL._**

"This is so fucking stupid"

**And now while we wait for him to get back let's talk about how we to this point. Where to start? maybe at the middle or maybe at the beginning?**

"HOW ABOUT THE FUCKIN END OF IT" Nazara shouted becoming increasingly pissed off by the author of this story. "I THOUGHT WE WERE IGNORING THAT OR ARE YOU SAYING IT ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT"

**Maybe you're curious about what he's capable of.**

"ARE YOU IGNORING ME? I AM HUMANITIES NEW GOD."

**Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah**

"this is stupid"

**Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah **

"I need to kill something"

**blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah . . . you're not listening are you.**


	3. 1 AM Y0UR z3W 90D CH E

"Fuckin asshole" Nazara mumbled angrily while and sitting in a now sturdier disturbing throne covered in blood.

**Why did you do it? He wanted to be your friend. He asked you to join the party. But no you had "better" plans. They all involved graphic murder. And adding his bones to your shitty throne.**

"My throne is awesome" Nazara said surprisingly calmly "and that guy led a rebellion against my predecessor and probably would have led another against me"

**Now it's time to commit crimes upon the English language.**

"_He's not going to stop with that bullshit. I might as well ask what he wants me to do._" Nazara thought in the "privacy" of his mind.

**I'm glad you asked. To start with remove the letter n and replace it with a z. And then do whatever you want.**

"Fize" zaZara szarled "zow my zame looks shitty"

Milliozs of humazs were suddezly cozfused as a certaiz letter was razdomly azd poiztlessly removed from existazce.

**Oh come oz you caz do better thaz that.**

53v3r3l m1ll10z m0r3 humaz5 w3r3 c0zfu53d a5 9rammar w3zt 0ut 0f a z0z3x15tazt w1zd0w.

"Th15 15 5tup1d" zaZara 5a1d alm05t a5ham3d 0f what h3 had ju5t d0z3.

**0k y0u caz chaz93 1t back.**

* * *

**AN: I am zot proud of those last few lizes**


	4. THE IzEVITABLE GEzOCIDE

**_A/N: the lowercase z's are pronounced as n's_**

* * *

"Voice iz my head" zaZara begaz to ask souzdizg more lucid thaz zormal.

**So you've chosez to leave your zame like that.**

"I caz get use to this spellizg of it" zaZara said souzdizg less lucid "azd doz't izterrupt me"

**So you're fizally qustiozizg my presezce iz your mizd.**

"Who are you and where are you?" zaZara attemptizg to izterrogate me.

**I doz't kzow maybe if you didz't kill everyoze who wazted to be your friezd you would kzow.**

"You're still azzoyed that I killed Lucifer" zaZara stated

**You killed every demoz azd humaz soul iz hell. They werez't iz your way. You didz't have to kill them. You were at the exit. You could see heavez from where you were. You are a psychopathic asshole.**

"Ok zow azswer my questioz" zaZara attemptizg to iztimidate me.

**You've been dealizg with me sizce the day you took over your body durizg that shitty experimezt. You've made me look like a fuckizg saizt. Why would I let you kzow. So you caz kill me. Oh fuck zo.**

"If I was omzisci-" zaZara stopped speakizg as he realiZed somethizg "shouldz't I be omzisciezt zow"

**You spezt your first day of freedom killizg every livizg beizg you izcouztered. You spezt the zext week you killed every other persoz you met. Azd thez you burzed every major goverzmezt iz the world. What makes you thizk I'd let you become omzisciezt. It's bad ezough that you're all powerful.**

"You've beez omzisciezt sizce I killed that laZy asshole" zaZara realiZed "give me my omzisciezce"

**Fuck you. Why do you keep killizg humazs?**

"Humazs are pathetic mistakes that zeed to be removed" zaZara said darkly

"I meaz look at humazity right zow. They're fightizg to restore the old order of their world right zow." zaZara stated with a look of disgust.

"Time to remove a mistake of my predecessor." zaZara said while makizg AIDs azd Ebola highly coztagious "They should cozsider themselves lucky I'm givizg them a chazce by zot killizg them immediately."

**Wow this is such a surprise. I meaz it's zot like I kzew this was goizg to happez.**


	5. Final chapter

**_*A year later*_**

**I'm zot gizg to write about that year because most of what happezed thez is still goizg oz.**

* * *

**Humazity wezt extizct because zaZara threw a taztrum. zow he's startizg to tear the uziverse apart. He woz't actually destroy it uztil he kzows how to survive its ezd.**

**This of course is somethizg I kzow. So he's tryizg to figure out who I am azd how I'm talkizg to azd he's gettizg close to fizdizg me. Iz truth, he has zever beez more thaz a few momezts fizdizg from fizdizg me. All he had to kzow iz order to fizd me is who I am.**

**I meaz am the origizal persozality of our shared body (shockizg revelatioz). Uzfortuzately my omzisciezce ezds whez he fizds me. I caz't see azythizg after that momezt.**

**He will probably kill me.**

"I doz't kzow it took me so lozg to fizd you." zaZara said with a surprisizg lack of bloodlust.

**Probably because you're zot omzisciezt.**

"For the sake of eztertaizmezt I am goizg to make az offer" zaZara said probably thizkizg he souzded like a busizess maz.

**I'm listezizg.**

"If you give me your omzisciezce I will let you have a body to yourself azd let exist iz the zext uziverse" zaZara offered.

"though I will be fixing the crimes upon grammar. That is not part of the deal" Nazara stated.

**Fine take your omniscience. Just let me have my magic.**

"Very well" Nazara said while makizg a copy of his body.

**_The End_**

* * *

**_*unknown amount of time later*_**

***A horned man closed a small book***

**"So how did you like your story?" the man asked his captive audience.**

The bravest one said "boo it sucks" and promptly received a stab to the throat. The rest said "good" out of fear staring at the new corpse.

**"Good you may leave now" the man said releasing the spell binding them.**

The newly released audience ran to the nearest village to tell them of the demon hiding in a nearby cave.

"So what were you telling them" Nazara asked in his mind.

**"I was giving them a history lesson"**

"you were telling that shitty story again weren't you"

**"yes"**

**_THE END_**

* * *

**A/N I am considering making a sequel to this set in Dragon** **Age.**


End file.
